The day is finally here…… I havent really been thinking about this day. Hoping it would come and go, and it will be as if its just another day. Honestly I think that I know, if i dwell and reallu give myself a chance to take in everything that is happening and changeing I would literally fall apart. Everyone tells me that this was definately gonna be rough and take a toll on me. It wasnt until I had him in the car that I was able to really feel the saddness and heartache. Not only am I gonna be sending the one person, as crazy as he drives me lol. The one person who always reminds me of the bigger better man iam, and tells me that i deserve better than what is given and how I am treated. One thing that i cant deny, and have never denied is my genuine love I have. I almost love him even more than I love myself. And thats craziness cause you should never love your self lesser than anyone else. Now dont get me wrong, as sad as I am, Im also stressed the fuck out. If he leaves and decides that he just doesnt need , or cant get a job, he is ultimately determining our relationship future, as hard as it would be to let him go. I know that if things dont work out, obviously the relationship isnt strong enough and I need to do better and find something that will work and be more substantiel.
Talk about a double wammy, but if this day couldnt get anymore emotional it just did. So its no secret how much I love and respect my mother. I will admit to my inperfections, and we do not always see eye to eye. I do know that with everything that women has fought throug she deserves to be able to live her life as she pleases. Me personally I will always feel endetied to my mom. Not because she reminds me of what she has done, but because I know what shes done and how much she had to sacrifice to give us what she could. It pains me to see her treated in anykind of matter that is not respectful. The bottom line is that she is and will always be our mother, and not only has she earned our respect..,…… Fuck that. She deserves it. She has done and fought long enough. My dream was always for myself to be successful with family and husband, now I feel that now im here to let he chill and take a breather, dont get me wrong I will never stop trying for my dream, but if in the long run I can make her life easier, then shit lets do it