Missing a piece of yourself

So today someone very close and dear to me has departed from this world and I really don’t know how to deal.  Should I be happy because they no longer have to suffer.  Not only with whatever was ailing them,  but with this world…..Society.   sometimes its as if we are the ones who are being punished,  by having to live day after day.  Struggling to make ends meet.  Struggling and fighting our addictions and urges.  Having to watch our backs for who knows what natural disaster is ready to wipe somebody, somewhere completely out of existence.  As i’ve said many times life is not called life because its easy.  Its called life because in order to be,  we need to deal and fight, and strive, and sometimes those wants hurt others.  But that’s just part of it.  Who wants it more?  we all want it m,ore right.  But are we all willing to go that extent as others.  And if we are not.,…. What does that say about us.  as the saying goes “only the strong survive and the weak shall perish”  I mean I do wanna be strong and survive,  but having to make others  suffer at my hands…  I don’t know if Im capable of that.

The point in all this was feeling bad,  about not feeling bad that they were departed.  Don’t get me wrong,  I am screaming and hurting and dying inside because i miss and wish for just one more day.  But I do know that at least they are in peace and no longer have to deal with the dailys of life and whatever it has in store.  The unfortunate thing with life, is that there is death and as many may try to avoid, and out last it, its inevitable.  we start dying pretty much from the day we are born.  Some last much much longer than others,  when some don’t even get the chance to see the light of day.  I never really thought how death this close to me would make me feel.  But it has definitely made me feel,  and even think about life as a whole.  Ive always known that I’m a survivor and a fighter,  not to say that those who have left are not.  Again its the whole unfairness of life.  Some really do live to fight another day.  When others don’t even get that chance. All I can say, that no matter how hard life may be,  I am definitely at peace that those who have suffered are able to RIP,  but I will continue to push through.  And when its my time I hope that I am ready for my peace whenever that may be.  For now…… World. What you gonna throw at us next, bring it on.

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