The Road so Far?

As the year quickly and with no permission, comes to an end I am filled with emotions. As per accomplishments there have been many, but they came with a price that at one point I never thought I could or would pay. It honestly took rock bottom, or at least what my version of rock bottom was in order to see what I had known but was to afraid to admit to myself. Change is definitely not easy, but as they say “Change is hard at the beginning, messy in the middle, and gorgeous at the end”. It’s insane what we put ourselves through trying to force a situation to what outcome we desire, that inevitably was doomed early on. A part of me still hurts emotionally, but my life has transformed in ways I knew were attainable, but never thought would be able to accomplish. I never thought I would be that person to compartmentalize my life, but here we are. My addictions, that is a whole other…. I wanna say compartment but its more of an Big Rig of uncertainty. On the high end I am able to separate my needs, from my wants, from my desires. At times though I have felt the backlash due to me being weak and allowing myself to fall victim. Can u call a willing, knowing party a victim? That’s the question now, addictions are a tricky deceitful and selfish. They don’t want you with anyone else, and will do everything in there power to control you to the max. With the new year right around the corner the uncertainty whether I’m headed in the right direction or not, do the wins overcome the failures. All I can truly say and 100% knowingly celebrate is that I am still here, and that’s more than many can say. I am giving the opportunity to make due with the short time till the new year, and hopefully with everything I’ve gone through I will make the beneficial choices and leave the rest in the past.

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